Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would fuck him just for his dog
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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