I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My feet surprised me
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