I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
only you would photoshop your dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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