I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
