I accidentally burped into my bong.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
