Where is the hickey?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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