Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
do herpes really smell.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
