My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
