best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
