and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
