Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
