I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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