that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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