Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
