I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
