shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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