i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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