Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
