Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
