yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina is officially offended.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
