So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
