Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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