Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
