Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
