Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
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