If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
