Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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