is your mom at the bar?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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