this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
love makes seman taste better
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
