last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
