Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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