I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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