So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
