I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
