Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
