the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
