hotel room ftw
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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