trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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