i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
