my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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