Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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