yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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