My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
