I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
