The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
