I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
