this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
