I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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