You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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