Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
