The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
