He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
